Mary

My mind has been really taken up with the idea of God being our focus and our desire! A few weeks ago I spent some time with the Lord with this on my mind. I guess sometimes I think that we all spend so much time with God focused on our needs, on getting through with our reading or study for the day, or on our thoughts and feelings that we barely recognize God Himself. So, anyway, as I began praying, I asked God if He had anything that He wanted to say to me.

The days are coming and swiftly when there will no longer be a woman who sits alone to seek My face.

Well, this really stopped me, and I didn't know what that meant. I mean, surely as long as God's people remain in the world there will be those who see His face and long to hear His voice.

So few Marys, so many Marthas. They are trading in the glory of the Lord for their own glory.

Of course, with my mind where it had been, seeking God as the focus of our desires, I worried that these words were mere echoes of my own heart and not truly from the Lord. And they may have been. But I am sharing them with you in case they may speak to your heart as they did to mine. As I prayed to recognize the truth, I recommend you do the same.

As I thought on those words, I responded that even though I tend to have more of a Mary-spirit, my desire being to seek Him for Himself, I still get too caught up in other things, even in good, spiritual, godly things. Even when I take the time to see Him, I usually spend most of my time in studying the word and writing my thoughts and insights. In realizing this I felt such conviction for allowing ANYTHING to come before Him. It occurred to me that I let just about everything in my life come before Him.

I confessed my idolatry and my carelessness, asking God to forgive me for allowing everything to push Him out. For even allowing my Bible study to push Him to the side.

But you know, as I thought about it, even if I were to push all of the world out of my life, there would still be so much of the 'good' that I 'ought' to be doing as a Christian. Sometimes it just seems so overwhelming. Just imagine trying to pray daily for all the needs and the situations in your life, your family and friends needs, the crises of the world, the unsaved, etc. Sometimes it seems as though you could spend hours before the Lord interceding for all the needs, and still not cover it all.

One Thing ...

I heard that phrase in my heart and it reminded me that Jesus said to Martha in regards to Mary, "Only one thing is necessary." He continued, "Mary has chosen the best part." So my heart cried out, "Lord, please help me to choose the best part!"

And I cried out to the Lord that there would NEVER be a time when there is no one who will sit at His feet and seek Him for Himself! I asked Him to call forth Marys to seek His face, to set aside the things of this world together with the 'good' things of the faith. That He would draw out those who will pour out their lives in devotion rather than service alone, or rather that they would pour out their lives in service that flows from their devotion and passion for Him and His glory.

It can be so difficult to understand and then to help others to understand the value of the Marys. They seem so self-centered, even as Martha believed, wanting only to enjoy His presence. Churches and pastors do not want Marys. They prefer Marthas, believing there is so much work and ministry to be done. Books have been written, sermons preached, groups formed, all to get God's people busy and involved in ministry.

Oh, I know, and I firmly believe that God has given the church the mandate to "go and make disciples." There is work to be done! There is service to be rendered. And, in truth, there are SO MANY who do not serve and do not seek, many who are content to just show up on Sunday. I long to see those who are just visiting on Sundays desiring Him, hungering for His Word, thirsting for His face, and finding their place in serving Him. I LONG to see the church drinking deeply from His presence and His beauty and then going forth in that passion to fill the world with the knowledge of Him and His glory.

And I felt the Lord saying:

Encourage the Marthas. Bring them to My feet. Bid them to be refreshed and renewed in My presence.

Draw out the Marys. Give them courage to SIT, courage to stand against the pressure to do and to serve. Remind them that they have chosen the best part, they must not let it be taken from them.

And, again, I do not believe that this is a mandate from the Lord for us to be idle. Rather it is His call for us to love Him first and foremost with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength. He is calling us to seek Him first, to fill our hearts and lives fully with His presence, and then to go forth from that filling charged and ready to give our lives to bring all glory and honor to His Name! It is service that comes from a heart overflowing with love for Him and His love for the world. It stands in stark contrast to being "cumbered about much serving." It may be an answer to the burnout that many experience as they go about doing so much in their own strength.

Love,
Ev

The One Thing that is our First Love!

Selfish??

Sometimes it is so hard to figure things out. You feel if you go one way, you're selfish. But if you go the other way, you are losing your grip on the most important thing in the world.

Wow, if I didn't know what I was talking about, I would read those words with amazement at my self-centeredness. I guess the way that I have phrased it makes it sound as though I am the most important thing is the world. NOT what I am talking about at all!

The study "God is the Gospel" that I am involved in right now is so on-track with my own personal viewpoint that it just makes my heart want to sing and dance, and yet it keeps calling me in deeper and deeper. It is exactly where I want to go!

So, in my prayer this morning, I was just expressing to God my longing for more of HIM! In our most recent DVD portion of the study, John Piper said that to pleasing God or doing good is ANYTHING that we do as an expression of our love for Him. EVERYTHING that flows from our love and satisfaction in HIM is a good work!

I try to do that, I really do, but boy does life come crashing in as soon as I turn away from that place of prayer. I so quickly forget my heart's desire to love Him in everything I do, and I go back to doing things in my own strength and from my own will. God seems to be no where in the mix.

I have read and tried to follow Brother Lawrence's path of "Practicing the Presence" of God, living every moment of the day in the experience of His presence in every moment, every action do unto Him. But as I said, I am so quickly and easily distracted. I want to "pray without ceasing," but again, I barely get an amen into my days.

Remember, I tell myself, I am not to be molded into anyone else's image, not Brother Lawrence's, not my pastor's, not any one of those saints whose lives are such an example of devotion. I remind myself not to be condemned by the "spirituality" and the discipline of others. But at the same time, I long for God to draw me near so that I might "behold His beauty" as much as possible and hear His voice whenever He wants to speak to me.

This morning, I felt God speak to my heart: "Go to the mountains." And I wondered what that meant. I did remember that Jesus often went up on the mountains to be alone with His Father.

Then I heard Him say, "Go to the mountains, pass through the valleys. I am there! Hold tight to what you have and cry out for more!"

Lord, I am crying out for more of You in me!

But as I said, then I think, perhaps I am being selfish! Is this longing for more of Him in my life selfishness? Should I be more concerned with the needs of others? Should I stop wanting more and be giving more? Yet, is there anything greater than HIM in our lives? NO! And I want more of Him! Yes, I am perhaps selfish, but the alternative seems so bleak.

Love,
Ev

The One Thing that is our First Love!

On my mind this evening ...

Hi! I really did intend to start writing more often. AND I have had LOTS on my mind that I have wanted to write about. But I have been so stressed with work and just have not found the time to actually get it typed up for you. UGH!! I am so stressed with work. On top of that, because of work I have "trigger thumb"! Akin to "trigger finger", but it is my thumb that is affected. It's basically tendonitis in the thumb. Don't worry, I have an appointment with an orthopaedic doctor to have it looked at. On top of that, because of the extra time sitting at the computer, I am getting stiffer and stiffer. Headaches are becoming a daily aggravation.

All this to say, I am stressed out with work! And to say that I haven't forgotten you, just really being pushed with work. I stayed up to 4:00 am last night trying to get my latest dataset completed. It is still not done. UGH.

One really neat thing that I will share with you. When my son, Eyad, visited us in March, he drove down from Chicago in a car he bought to use while he was visiting. Because he believes that he will be able to visit more often on his new job, he wants to have a car here to use. The car is a silver Ford Mustang convertable!! Leather seats, and lots of extras. Anyway, he returned to Jordan a week or so ago and is letting us drive his car while he's gone. Woo Hoo!! It is the coolest thing driving with the top down! I tell you, it makes me feel 20 years younger!!

I think I told you that I am in a study right now that I absolutely love!! As I said, lots of good stuff to share with you, and I am hoping to get a little breather here soon (keep saying that, but it hasn't happened yet).

Just a little, since I'm sitting here anyway. It is only 11:00 pm.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain and snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth, and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; so shall My Word be which goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:8-11

When I read this as part of my study, it made me think of my son, Eyad. Eyad has the scientific and mathmatical sort of mind (I'm all language and history). He loves talking, reading, and thinking about physics. All of it goes right over my head!

When God speaks even to the smartest of us, it is like Einstein discussing quantum physics with a 2-year-old. We are so limited, even the wisest and smartest of us, in what we know and what we can deduce. Our experience is limited to time. God inhabits eternity; He created time. Such a God is so far beyond us in knowledge, wisdom, understanding, justice, righteousness, and truth, that we cannot even fathom the elementary things of His Word. (Yet, with the Holy Spirit, we are able to understand more than we can in our own limited resource.)

I imagine it is something like the times Eyad has tried to talk to me about the concept of time, and trying to imagine an eternity outside of time. Can you wrap your mind around it? How can you say anything like "Tomorrow, I'm going to go to the beach," if there is no time? What is that like? It boggles my mind! Makes me break out in a sweat just to think of it.

But then the rest of that Scripture. God's words are POWERFUL! He SPOKE the universe (including time) into existence! And I think it is so cool to realize that any time we spend in God's Word, any time we spend listening to His voice, it is not wasted time. We may not immediately see the benefit (just as a farmer will not see the harvest with the first rain), but every little drop will have an effect. Every word and syllable that God has ever said is out there, right now bringing forth life, restoration, healing, peace, and joy!

Listen for His voice, read His Word, let the power of His words have His way in your life. Drink them up, soak them up, and those words will satisfy and produce abundance of joy and life!

Love,
Ev

The One Thing that is our First Love!

A Message for Moms

"A good mother thinks about her children day and night, even when they are grown, A good mother loves her children in a way that they will never understand. A mom will be there for her children when no one else will. A mom would take a bullet, stand in front of a train, and ask god to take her instead of her child. If you have a child or children that you love as much as i love mine, post this" (A recent Facebook posting)

I am a mom whose sons are grown men. I love them so very much, and I confess that I was not always the mom I should have been. Looking back now I see that so many of the things that upset me and set me off were really nothing of any importance. I let my frustrations with work, with situations, and with external relationships barge into my relationship with my family way too often. You know, I loved my sons, but far too often I was so selfish about my own feelings and frustrations that I exploded on them because they were there, and I felt that they should know what I needed without my having to ask for it.

Even though I believe that I have a wonderful, loving relationship with my sons, I regret that so much of my time with them as they were growing up was spent in me meeting my own goals and plans and desires. All those goals and plans and desires mean so little to me now, and I wish so much that I could have the time back to spend loving on them, playing with them, laughing and enjoying life with them. But the time is gone, they are grown and have their own lives now.

All this just to remind all you moms out there that still have children at home, they are the MOST IMPORTANT people in your life (right after God and your husband). Let the dishes go, let studies and groups pass you by, allow the floor to be filled with toys now and then. I promise you, one day you will wish that you could sit on the floor playing cars or legos with those grown sons. You will wish that you could have a tea party with your baby girl.

Don't allow ANYTHING to become more important to you than they are, not even ministry or service for God. Your children and your husband ARE your ministry. Notice I said your children and your husband. I did not say your house. Your house will not feel the sting of being overlooked or ignored. Your house will not take it to heart if you are upset that it isn't always on top of things as it should be.

Please hear me, I am not saying that you should let your house become an unhealthy and unsafe pigsty. Nor am I saying that you should have no time to yourself and no time to enjoy your favorite things. But as a mom who has had to let her sons go onto their own adult lives, I am so encouraging you to relax, enjoy their short time in your life. I am encouraging you to let the dishes wait until you have spent some time tickling and laughing with them.

One other thing I will share from the message at church this morning. Our children learn what they see at home. If you are frustrated and impatient and upset all the time, they will be too. If you have little time for them, they will soon have little interest or time for you. Remember the popular song, "The Cat's in the Cradle?"

Please, relax, take a breath. Really look into the eyes of your children. The thing they long for more than any high-priced gadgets or any theme parks is you. They want your time, they want your attention, they want to know they are more important to you than the clean floor, the new drapes, the chat you are having with your BFF (can't believe I am actually using those letters).

Just saying . . .

Love,
Ev

The One Thing that is our First Love

The Glory of God in the Face of Jesus Christ!

If God is not treasured as the ultimate gift of the gospel, none of His gifts will be gospel, good news. And if God is treasured as the supremely valuable gift of the gospel, then all the other lesser gifts will be enjoyed as well.

The gospel is not a way to get people to heaven; it is a way to get people to God.

Both of these quotes are from John Piper's book, God is the Gospel, which I mentioned in my previous 'thought.' And this is where I am heading. This is where I am going to take you as I work though these thoughts and ideas. The goal is God, Himself, Jesus Christ, and Holy Spirit. The goal is HIM!

I must tell you that ever since I posted my previous thoughts, I have been fighting a battle in my mind. And I think you probably know how the battle was going just based on my parenthetical statements throughout the post. "Who do you think you are?" "What makes you think anyone cares about your ideas and thoughts?" Anyway, I'm here, and I am going to share my thoughts and feelings with whomever wants to read them.

Today, I just wanted to offer you a few quotes from John Piper's book because it is speaking so powerfully to my heart. My longing is to be a Mary! I know that there is work to be done; I know there is so much to learn. But, O, if my life is filled with one ministry activity after another; if I lead hundreds to Christ Jesus; if I feed and clothe the homeless, and yet I don't hear His voice; I don't see His face; I don't KNOW Him personally and dearly, then what is the point. If it isn't about a love relationship with God, then I really don't have much more than any non-Christian in a secular service organization, and I really don't have much more than they do to offer to the lost and dying world. Anyway, this is my heart tonight.

When God declares the omnipotent word of creation and '(shines) in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ,' the curtains are pulled back in the window of our Alpine chalet, and the morning sun, reflected off the Alps of Christ, fills the room with glory.

I want to see that glory more and more clearly! I want to share that glory with you. I want make disciples of Christ Jesus! I want us all to be followers who love Him and will give our all for Him!

Well, it is 9:17 p.m. and I am still sitting at my computer working (I'm waiting for files to be copied, which is why I had a moment to write this.) Please pray for me. My work is often so stressful and I am so overwhelmed that I can find neither the time nor the focus to share my life with you. I truly pray that as God gives me time, that I can be an encouragement to you, and that I may especially encourage you to seek the Lord with ALL your heart and soul and strength and mind. My wish is for you to get a glimpse of His glory that will give you such a longing for His presence that you cannot stop yourself from running hard after HIM. I want that for my life, an unending hunger and thirst for His nearness, for His palpable presence in my life.

All my love,
Ev

The One Thing that is our First Love!

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The One Thing that is our First Love!

Hi there! Remember me? Wow, it has been some time since I shared my life with . . . you. I may not even know who you are, but here I go again letting you in on who I am and on my relationship with God, Jesus Messiah, and Holy Spirit. Sorry that I have been away so long. The darkness swallowed me up again and left me isolated and isolating. But, I am back!

I really want to share a little bit of what is going on in my heart. And I guess I do it here because it really doesn't matter if you understand or not; this is a safe place. With some of my family and friends, I am afraid to share what is going on in my heart for fear that they will judge me, shake their heads, and become suspicious of me. With others, I just doubt that they will understand or care about this. (“This is just one more of mom’s crazy notions.) Maybe you will fall into one of those two categories, but for some reason that is OK because I cannot read your thoughts on your face. I cannot see the glazing over of your eyes and the look of concern coming over your features. (Have to laugh at myself here because it is probable that I am making way too much out of this and you will all be thinking, "Is she serious? What is the big deal? Boy, does she take herself way too serious or what?" But for me it seems to be a pretty big thing. It is my life after all, and I believe that it is this with which the Lord has burdened me.)

I guess I'll start by giving a little background on where all this is coming from:

Quite some time ago I realized that the way we currently "do church" is a far cry from the descriptions of the New Testament. (Reading the Bible can be a dangerous thing if you want to go along with the traditional "church" ideals of the American culture.) I began to long for a Christian experience of the body that was more informal, participatory, relational, and devotional. I imagined the bonds of love and relationship that such a body would experience both within the body and with the Lord. The standard fare of rousing "worship," entertaining "messages," and programmed "ministry" became less satisfying and more frustrating for me.

Because my relationship with God had long ago been reborn as something more relational, experiential and life-encompassing, I longed to be a part of a church that was more excited about a love-relationship with Christ than it is about discovering our gifts, getting involved in ministry, measuring "church growth," and developing an obvious "community outreach." Please understand that I am all for reaching the lost and ministering to the needs of others! But my longing is to see believers become disciples and lovers of Christ Jesus Himself, to see them following Him and seeking the fullness of His presence in their daily lives. I am not as interested in leading them to join my church, teaching them to fit in, getting them involved in ministry, and breaking them of their bad habits. (Are your eyes glazing over yet? Are you shaking your head wondering what sort of heretic I am or am becoming? Well, hold onto your hats, it may be worse than you can imagine.)

You may be interested to know that my life's verse is: "One thing have I desired of the Lord and that will I seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to behold the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His tabernacle." Psalm 27:4. I chose that verse (or perhaps God gave it to me) because above all things my heart's longing is to see His face, to see His glory, to know HIM personally. My heart also resonates with Christ’s words to the church at Ephesus in Revelation: “I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.” Revelation 2:2-4. “Remember the height from which you have fallen!” I believe our first love for Christ Jesus is the highest blessing of the gospel. So you can see the core desires that drive my heart, desires I had locked in a box in order to do away with the frustration and to fit into the church culture around me.

OK, so getting back to the events that have led me to where I currently find myself Not long ago, I heard that a friend from church was going to start a group called "MORE;" and it sounded as though it might be something along the lines of what I am hungering for, a more New-Testament, body-of-Christ gathering. I went to the first few meetings, and discovered that rather than an experience of the body of Christ, the group's focus was on getting believers off the side lines and into service, which as usual means outreach and activism. All well and good, but not what I was looking for.

Then, my pastor began a 3-session, 3-month group called "Now What," which also peaked my interest as I thought it might be about developing and growing in our walk with Christ, deepening our relationship and commitment to Him. The group was assigned the reading of the book, "Holy Discontent," by Bill Hybels. If you know anything about this book or Bill Hybels' ministry, you probably already know what my response was to the assignment. "Holy Discontent" is Bill Hybels’ call for Christians to look within themselves and to see what it is that drives them crazy. He then sends them out to do something about it, to right the wrongs. What I understood from his book is that God, will be so happy to find someone that shares His discontent in this area that He will join them in restoring that part of the world. Now, believe me, I know what amazing insanity it is for someone like me to disagree with a world-renown minister, but I have some real issues with his ideas on this subject. For me, ministry is so much more about God’s will and God’s leading and God’s calling than it is with my discontent. Needless to say, I dropped out of the group.

These two circumstances did accomplish something in my life; they began to stir the embers in my heart that had been near to extinction. I almost felt as though I was waking up.

Meanwhile, the dear couple who have been such an encouragement to my life began a new group study at church based on a book by John Piper, "God is the Gospel." (BTW, I highly recommend the book. It is a much better book than the other.) After reading the back cover of the book, I realized that I had to be a part of the group even though I was already feeling overwhelmed by the studies I am participating in. The book served to bring my frustration/longing into focus and to reawaken my hearts desire to see the church of Christ return to its "First Love." We’re just on lesson three and I feel alive again! Oh, it isn’t just the study; it is that my relationship with God has been reawakened!

So, anyway, I think I’ll end here with giving you an idea of how I have gotten to this place, and hopefully, I can find time to sit down and continue to share what is in my heart in the next couple of days.

Love for Christ Jesus and for you,
Ev

~~ The One Thing that is our First Love. ~~



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Piper!

I love my dog, Piper. I am one of the few people who do think well of her. But, I do love her.

Piper is a little and older chihuahua/terrier mix, with more chihuahua than terrier. As such, she tends to be a little hyper and a little skittish. I cannot trust her around my grandchildren, or anyone else for that matter (including myself). She is nippy. Piper also has a very high-pitched bark, and as she is so small, she uses this bark as her constant defense. She also tends to go after your ankles if she is at all intimidated by you.

As way of illustration -- A few years ago, my son adopted two large, old labs from a vet who did not want to euthanize them so was looking for someone to take them. The male is a very easy going, plodding soul, but the female was dominant and moody. When I was not at home, my granddaughter kindly thought to take my Piper out on the leash to give her a break from being alone in my room all day. On her way out the door with Piper on the leash, the female lab came up behind Piper to sniff her, as dogs normally do. Piper, frightened, aggressively growled/barked at her, and she attacked Piper, grabbing her by the back and shaking her. My sons had to literally pry Piper from the dogs mouth.

Piper ended up with 6 broken ribs and months of painful recouperation. Nevertheless, Piper still has no qualms about going after the male lab to keep him in line. It would be funny to see this little rat-sized dog barking and trying to intimidate a huge old lab, funny if I weren't afraid that he might lose his temper and put her in her place. (The vet told me that due to her injuries from the last attack, she will not survive another.)

Anyway, my point is, this is a dog that only a 'mother' could love. And, I do love her. Despite her aggression, her getting into trouble quite often, and the fact that she pays no attention to me whatsoever when I call her or discipline her, I love her. She is my baby and I would probably rush into a burning house to rescue her. Oh, did I mention that she is not an especially affectionate dog. I mean, she will patiently allow me to hold (read 'hug') her, but only for so long. She mostly wants to lay at the foot of the bed ignoring me.

This morning as I was considering all this, I realized that even so, God loves us. We may be ornery, noisy, too big for our own britches, aggressive, smelly, and have very little time for Him. Nevertheless, He loves us. And I can imagine Him longing for us to respond to Him, even as I wish that my dog were more responsive to my expressions of love for her. He does discipline us when we need it, as I do Piper. And, just as with Piper, our actions can land us in painful trouble sometimes. Yet, His love is unmarred by our failures. His love is unconditional. He loves us dispite our loud and obnoxious rantings!

Love,
Ev

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