Model Christians

Hi! This morning in my quiet time, I started out by reading some of the things I have kept in my "Mini-Me Journal" and it prompted a thought that I would like to share with you:

There is no such thing as a model Christian. Every one of us is unique and meant to be so. Because you see others whom you admire for their faith, love, wisdom, or goodness does not mean God wants you to be like them. God created you as a unique member of the body, and He wants to use you, your life, as He created you. I have many people in my life that I admire so much, and often I can become discouraged because I don't measure up to them as I see them.

I see their wisdom, their ministry, their kindness and love, or their accomplishments and then look at my own life and see myself lacking. Then the really sad part is that I don't see within me the nature nor the motivation to do the things I see them doing. Well, i realized that God did not design me to be a "Helen," a "Sarina," a "Neva," a "Ruth," a "Debbie," a "Monika," or a "Brenda." (Oh, wow!!! I could name a handful more of you that I look at with love and admiration! Sorry, I hope this doesn't become about whose name I did or did not include.)

Of course, that is not to say that I cannot use them as examples and encouragement to grow in certain areas. I long so much to love others as I Monika loved me. But I should not expect nor strive to become all that they are. Nor should I berate myself for not measuring up to them in those areas in which they shine. I need to go to God to learn from Him who He has created me to be, which will be a lifelong journey of discovery. And then I need to walk with Him day by day to find the ways He has wants to include me in the work He is doing.

I hope this blesses you as it did me. Just being inspired from God was such a blessing for me, and I thank God.

As I said, I love you all. Each one of you has blessed my life so richly, and I admire each one of you for the ways that I see God using you to minister to the hearts and minds of those around you!! You are each a beautiful and unique and glorious gift from the Lord for my life.

Love,

Ev

Depression - A State of Mind

Dearest Friends:

I want to apologize to many of you who responded to my previous email. I intended to write back to you thanking you for your concern and letting you know that I am perhaps not as badly off as I may have led you to believe. However, I seem to be having such a difficult time writing or even talking about this place I am in at the moment, so much so that I have been putting off my responses hoping things would improve.

This is so difficult to write or talk about, so forgive me if this comes off disjointed (I keep deleting and rewriting sentences). Again, thank you all so much for your loving concern and your encouragement in response to that email. You bless me more than you will ever know.

So, where am I? I have been asking myself the same question. I am better. The sadness, anxiety, and trouble focusing have lifted. I am able to cope with my day to day life again. But I am not where I would hope to be. It is rather like being dissociated a little from the normal ups and downs of life. I am no longer sad or anxious, but neither am I happy and interested in life. Even the most exciting events seem like a lot of work. The passion of my life has become uninteresting or just too much bother, and curling up with my covers pulled up over my head seems much more appealing.

I am OK though, so you do not have to worry about me.

I wrote the above about 3 days ago and saved it as a draft because I got busy with work AND because it was so hard to write or to even know what I wanted to say.

For the past couple of days I have been feeling a bit better, so I thank God. I read something that I think helped a little, I found it in my "Mini-Me Journal." I had it written down, but I cannot remember if it was a quote or if it was something that God had impressed on me directly at the time.

When it feels as though God has gone or is hiding, think of Him as standing just behind you, just out of sight, ready to catch you, teaching you to trust that He will always be there for you.

I tend to think it is something that I wrote down at some point because it is such a run-on sentence. LOL! It is so easy when you are not hearing God's voice (whether it is that He isn't speaking or that you aren't listening) to feel as though you are on your own. It is NEVER true. When you are His child, He is always right there with you, always ready to catch you and to bless you.

I have also been helped by the study we are doing on Wednesday nights, Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. He gives some good direction for when you are in a time of God's silence:

• Pray through a sin checklist (in other words, examine your heart for any unconfessed sin). Confess and repent, making things right.
• Continue doing the last thing God told you, as well as the things you know to do. (reading/studying the Bible, prayer, fellowship with other believers, etc.).
• Go back to God believing that He will let you know what is happening when and if you need to know. In other words, Ask Him and trust Him.
• Put away discouragement, guilt, and self-pity.
• Adjust your life to an attitude of hopeful expectation, faith and trust. Expectation that God is doing something deep in your life.

So, as I said, I am feeling a bit better. Again, I am so sorry for not responding sooner to everyone. It is such a difficult place to be, so hard to communicate and reach out to others. So difficult to even get your thoughts straight or to know what you are thinking/feeling. I love you all and thank you all so much for your prayers, your concern, your encouragement, and your love!!

Love,
Ev