Expectations!

Luke 10:38-40

On His journey, Jesus and His disciples entered Bethany, and they were received/welcomed into Martha's house. Notice "Martha's house." Martha received them into her house. Interesting! Did Martha know of Jesus first, or was she the dominant member of the family?

She has a sister, Mary. I am guessing that Martha is the oldest, and that Mary and Lazarus depended on her. By the way, "Martha" and "Mary" are both from the same root meaning "rebellion." Interesting.

When they entered and sat down, it would be all the men. It would be expected that all the women would be involved in preparing the food and serving. However, Mary sits down at Jesus' feet, at the place of a disciple. She is there to listen to His word. Very unusual in that culture, and I think everyone would have been taking note of this culturally unacceptable behavior.

Martha, on the other hand, is totally distracted (the word means "to drag around" or "to draw away"). She is overwhelmed and frazzled, wanting to serve above and beyond what is expected, and I wonder if part of her distraction had to do with her sister's lack of propriety and unwillingness to help. I would guess this isn't the first time Mary was off thinking , dreaming, and exploring while Martha kept things going. I believe Martha's frustration has been building for some time.

It so often happens that two natures so different from one another lead to such frustration. We do not understand why others do not see things as we do. For Martha, this was her great opportunity to pour out her love and respect for Jesus in service, showing Him every honor, and as she runs about fussing over this and that, she finds her sister Mary sitting with the men, listening. Perhaps she believed this would be her chance to have Jesus, One so very respected and obviously adored by Mary, set Mary straight. If He should correct Mary's behavior, it might wake the girl up to her responsibilities.

And, there almost seems to be a hint of rebuke for Jesus. "Don't You care?" "Haven't You noticed how unfair this all is?" How does He sit there and not see my hard work? Doesn't He notice that my sister is being lazy and thoughtless? Doesn't He care that I am working so hard while she sits dreaming at His feet?

But Jesus answers her by speaking to who she is. He says she is worried and she is overwhelmed by many things. This is a woman who takes on responsibility and worries over every detail. She isn't only concerned with her own cares and responsibilities, she takes on everyone else's, and she cannot understand why everyone is not as concerned about all these things as she is. She sees what needs to be done and does it better than anyone else. "The hostess with the mostest!" This is who she has become.

Jesus tells her that only one thing is required, only one thing is her duty. (My yoke is easy, My burden is light.) He goes on to say that Mary has chosen the best part, which would not be taken from her.

Jesus appears to be using the meal as the illustration. She hustles to and fro, providing a feast for her guests, so many dishes, so many choices. It is to be a memorable feast. But Jesus says that only one dish was needed. He didn't ask her for a feast, just a simple meal. Then He says that Mary has chosen the "best part", the best dish at the table, Jesus and His word. And she will not be denied.

It is so often the way, our different temperaments and view points on life come between us. One is so very focused on serving. Their love and life are expressed in their responsible service and busy lives. They may take onto themselves the responsibilities of others when things are not done to their standards, which leads to frustration. They believe in going beyond the expected, and they cannot understand how others do not hare their sense of duty and urgency. By trying to compensate for what they consider to be the failure of others, they often become overwhelmed, a little self-righteous, and sometimes bitter.

On the other hand, you have those who live their lives focused on ideas, thoughts, truths, and revelations. They love and live in the world of communication and information. Often, they fail to recognize the importance of physical order and expectations of those around them. They believe that seeing, understanding, and sharing thoughts, ideas, and feelings is what is really important, and they do not understand how others cannot share their sense of wonder and curiosity. They are sometimes mystified by the frustrations and expectations of others, and may begin to feel that there is something wrong with them, that they are somehow flawed.

Can you imagine the household Jesus just walked into? The frustrations and the hurt experienced by these two women as their two very different natures drove them apart? Yet, I believe that His words were meant to heal the woundedness of each of these women. On the one hand, He affirmed Mary's desire for closeness, for understanding, for intimacy. He encouraged her to recognize that her choices in life, though so often misunderstood, were the very best choices for her!

But I think Jesus also ministered to Martha in this by helping her to realize that her sense of expectations and responsibilities had grown all out of proportion. She had taken too much onto her own shoulders. I believe He was helping her to realize that her perfectionism and pride in being "the best," were killing her and destroying her relationships. He reminded her that service doesn't have to be overwhelming. God doesn't call us to overwork and frustration. If that is our experience, we are missing the point. Service should be simple and a joy-filled expression of obedience. When we begin taking on the responsibilities of others and comparing ourselves to one another, we can only run ourselves ragged and lose sight of the love we once served with.


Consider:
How do you believe Martha felt when Jesus came into her home? Where was her focus and what were her motivations?

What do you see as Martha's strengths and weaknesses?

How do you think Mary felt when Jesus came into her home? Where was her focus and what were her motivations?

What do you see as Mary's strengths and weaknesses?

How do you think Jesus handled the situation? What can we learn from His response and His answer?

Do you relate more to Martha or Mary? How do you see the Marthas/Marys in your own home, family, and friends? What do you think Jesus would say to you?

How do you think Mary felt when Martha spoke to Jesus? Do you let the expectations of others shame you or pull you away from what is truly important in your life? Do you take up ministry or service that God has not called you to in order to satisfy the expectations of others?

Did you ever feel that God was not seeing your situation? Did you ever feel that you were overwhelmed and struggling while others had things so easy, and yet God did not seem to know or care about your situation? Has God answered your questions, how? If not, how do you think He might answer your questions?

Have you ever been in such a situation where you felt you were being called out because you didn't live up to someone else's expectations? How did you feel? How would you have felt if Jesus vindicated you in that situation?

How do you think Martha and Mary responded to Jesus' words? Do you believe that this made any difference in their home, or in each of their lives? How can you summarize what each of them may have learned through this?