My vacation - Episode 2

OK, finally getting back to writing about my trip to Jordan. I left off with my preparations to leave.

Leith took me to the airport Saturday morning and I caught the flight to Chicago. The flight was jam-packed, but I had a good seat in the last row on the aisle, so it wasn't too uncomfortable. The flight was delayed into Chicago due to bad weather over Chicago, and I started getting worried about missing my flight to Amman. If you hadn't heard, Eyad was supposed to be on the flight with me, but the airline rescheduled him, so I would be traveling alone from Chicago to Amman.

Our flight to Chicago finally landed at about 7:00 pm, and the flight to Amman was supposed to leave at 9:00 pm. I was really worried about getting my bags and getting over to the international terminal in time. As I got off the plane, I was praying that I would find an abandoned cart to help me move more quickly through the airport. Getting off the plane, I immediately spied a cart off by itself, and I grabbed it! Thank You, God!!! (By the way, if you do any flying, be sure to have a credit card with you. I didn't think I would need it, so I left mine at home for my son to use in emergency. You need it for just about everything!!! Checking your bags and renting a cart! DOH!!!)

I rushed down and finally got my bags, then ran like crazy to take the tram to the international terminal. Luckily, the check-in desk is right inside the terminal, and I made it with a little time to spare. My son, Eyad, was so good to me the entire trip, and he really went out of his way to get me bumped up to first class on the international flight. They even sent me on to the VIP lounge to wait for boarding of my flight. Have you ever been in the VIP lounge?? They have all kinds of snacks available, alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks, coffee, tea, just about everything! The seats are MUCH more comfortable than the regular seats at the gates! What a treat it was!

First class on the plane was amazing! It has been a long time since I have flown internationally (18 years to be exact), and things have changed so much. We were barely seated on the plane when the flight attendants came around with drinks, hot towels, and a little flight kit (sleep mask, socks, and ear plugs). The chairs are amazing, and recline totally into a bed. And each seat has its own personal screen, so you can watch the movie, or choose from several other channels of programs! It was amazing!

It wasn't long after take off, that they brought our dinner trays. The trays had rolls, salad, desert, and something I didn't recognize. I thought, "great dinner," so much better than I remember coach meals. So I ate it, and it was delicious. However, I was surprised, because they came back with entrees, a choice of lamb, catfish, pasta, or chicken. The chicken was marvelous!

Breakfast in the morning was also superb. We received a tray, and then they came around with a cart of omelets, sausages, mushrooms, potatoes, croissants, and rolls. It was so good.

The other neat thing about the flight was that before and after the movies, they showed our flight progress on the screen. It was really cool to see where we were and what we were flying over. BTW, they showed two movies, the first was Sherlock Holmes and then they showed an Arabic movie.

Going through the airport in Amman was miserable after so many hours of flying. In the terminal, I got in the line for foreigners, which took a half hour or so. When I got up there, the guy told me I was in the wrong line, I needed to get in the line for those without a visa. So, I got in that line, but after waiting a while, noticed a sign that said I needed Jordanian money to pay for the airport taxes. So, I had to get out of line, go to the money changer to exchange some money. By the time I got back into the right line, I had a good hour wait to go through check in.

Thankfully, after going through the lines, I found Eyad waiting with my bags! We were ready to go! The drive into the city was quite a bit different than I remember it. There is so much development going on there, things are so different than they were when I was last there!

But you know, when we got to the house, it was like I was coming home. We are all a little older, but otherwise, it was so good to be back with them, to see them all again! They are the most welcoming and wonderful family!

The building is 5 stories high with a garage under the first floor. When I lived there, my family lived on the first floor, which is now rented out to a pharmaceutical company. My mother-in-law,Sameha; her sister-in-law, Saleema; and my sister-in-law, Fadia, live on the second floor with a live in helper, Selwa. The third floor is occupied by my brother- and sister-in-law, Mohammed and Haiffa, with their two sons, Hamze and Youssef, who have just completed university. I stayed with them while I was there. The fourth floor is currently rented out to a doctor; and my son, Eyad, rents the fifth floor apartment. It is a wonderful way to live, all the family together, and yet, with privacy.

The house hasn't changed much, very beautiful and stylish (they are much better at decorating than I have ever been). However, they have installed air conditioning, mostly in the living room. They are room-type units rather than central units. But I am sure that they make things much more comfortable during the summer. I should mention that the buildings are made from cement block faced with decorative stone outside and plastered within. The neat thing about this building structure is that it does moderate the heat somewhat in the summer.

Well, that's about all I have time for right now. Next message will have more about the actual vacation time, I promise.

Love,
Ev

Treasure . . . In my room!!!

Wow! Have I told you? I have amazing treasure in my room. Treasure that I am totally unwilling to trust to a bank vault. Treasure that I love to take up and handle and examine! I am so rich beyond anything I could ever have imagined or hoped for!

The treasure, the one thing I would ask God to allow me to take to heaven with me, is my journal. It is the record of my relationship with God. As prized and cherished love letters reflect the relationship between two lovers, my journal contains the very words of God spoken to my heart over the years.

Lord, how precious they are to me! And I truly thank God for speaking and relating to me in this way so that I have the opportunity to return to this treasure chest over and over throughout my life, especially when times get rough. "Hearing" His words to me over and over again is so encouraging and comforting; there is absolutely no-thing in this world of greater value to me.

If I could ever pass on any one piece of advice or encouragement to those I love, it would be to spend time in God's presence and record in a journal those things you have heard and seen and experienced in that time with the Lord. It is a place you can be totally honest with yourself and with God, and a place that He can meet you very personally and powerfully!

Love,
Ev

Something Different!

OK, I did something very . . . ummmm, different. Last night I went out to a singles' dance. A new acquaintance told me about a group called "Calculated Couples" that they participated in and they thought I might enjoy it. I was pretty excited about it, and even went out an got a couple of new dresses as my wardrobe is bordering on the shabby.

Well, I went last night and, boy, all the memories of past efforts at the singles' scene came rushing back to me. "What was I thinking," went through my mind more than once.

As usual, the group was heavily lopsided with way more women than men. And, maybe it was just my imagination, but there was an atmosphere of anxiety in the room.

I was a little (more than a little) disappointed that no one asked me to dance, although the women around me were approached numerous times. Started feeling, "What is wrong with me?" Well, I know that I am overweight, which I know feeds my insecurities big time. But I am by no means hideous. But I have realized the past few years that I project something that is un-attractive (that does not attract the opposite sex). Not quite sure what it is, but I know that I have it.

Well, actually, I do have a clue. There was one time when I actually did attract the attention of a guy I met at a wedding. And, I believe the reason I did was because when we first met, I was totally uninterested in him and was not trying to attract him. So, I am thinking that the problem is that guys can tell when you are anxious or insecure, and it is a turn off.

You probably know that I have been divorced for about 14 years now. Since that time, I vacillate between "Oh, God, I am so lonely, and I really long to experience true love in my life just once before I die," and "Lord, I guess it is not your will for me to find anyone for companionship and support. Perhaps you want me to rely only on You. I am content with that, Lord."

I guess the truth is, I am somewhat content with my life, and I could finish out my life without a "relationship" if that is God's will. And, I can recognize the benefits of the single-life. When I was married, I struggled so much with being faithful to God and yet also giving my time and attention to my husband. As Paul said,

He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please [his] wife. 1 Cor 7:32-33

But now and again, the longing comes over me for that intimate relationship with whom I have truly become "one flesh," with one who loves and respects and encourages me at the most personal levels, and whom I can respect and support and love. Having been married for 23 years, I never really experienced that. (And I know that many married women never experience that.) Yet, that is the longing.

I guess I need to spend some time with the Lord and find out once and for all what it is He really wants for me. Haven't really asked Him. Could I be avoiding asking Him because I don't want to know, or am afraid of what He will say? Hmmm. I don't think so. But you know, the truth is, it is always so much easier to just go about doing what I want to do rather than taking the time and the risk of sitting down with God to find out what He has to say.

So, I guess that is my answer. And if I remember and if I have the time to write about it, I'll let you know what God has to say.

In my flesh, my idea is to go at least once or twice more, with the idea of discovering that place inside of me that is so un-attractive and to deal with it. To overcome that insecurity and that form of desperation that rears its head every now and then. And, to finally let go of the longing and the indecision.

Ev

Confidence, Approval, Understanding, Influence

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible. By faith Abel offered to God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, through which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts; and through it he being dead still speaks. Hebrews 11:1-4

I've finished my group studies for now (will probably pick something up in the fall), so I've gone back to my long-standing friend, "Search the Scriptures." I am taking up where I left off. I will get back to the Revelations study, but just wanted to share some things that hit my heart this morning.

verse 1

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for." You can "see" it, you can "taste" it. You know the surety of what you are holding onto because of the One who promised. It is not so vague as, "Oh, I hope . . . ." It is a firm belief and trust that even though you cannot see it right now, you have it! You know that God will not fail.

"The evidence of things not seen." Faith is walking through the darkness in confidence! It is letting go of those things we feel we must control or life will spin off into chaos. It is surrender of my will and my way to the will of the One who has promised and who loves me more than I love myself.

So, I ask myself: Have I surrendered control? Have I given up holding onto the things that seem to keep me grounded? Or have I let them go into the hands of the One who truly holds my life together? Do I have faith to walk through the darkness and confusion with confidence?


verse 2

"For by it the elders obtained a good testimony." Men of old, the elders, Old Testament saints, obtained a testimony by their faith. God included them in His narrative not because they were the most successful, the most famous, the strongest, the best looking, or the most talented. He included them because they believed Him and it changed their lives and changed the world. Thousands of years later, we know who Abel, Noah, Abraham, Esther, Rahab, Ruth, Sarah, Moses, Joshua, etc. were because of they were willing to step out in faith in a God whom they could not see. (And they did not have Holy Spirit dwelling within them, as we are so blessed to enjoy because of Christ.) God testifies to their faith in His Word! There may be failing and stumbling, yet God's testimony is of their faith. How much more awesome could it be than to have God himself testify about my life, that I walked by faith.

And, again, I ask myself, if God were to testify of my life, what would it sound like? What would He choose to mention? And where would He be silent? What do I focus on? Am I working for success, for notice, for acceptance? Or, am I seeking for a relationship with God that will give me the confidence to walk where I cannot see and follow when I cannot understand? Do I know Him well enough to trust Him with my life and all that matters to me?


verse 3

"By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible." It is by faith that we believe the account of the creation, even as the world tries to explain God away. Faith believes because God told us. We don't demand that God give us with scientific proof to back it up. I know there are differences of opinion as to the reading of Genesis, and that is fine. But it all goes back to the basics. And if we cannot believe that God created the heavens and the earth by speaking it into being, then how can we believe that the death of one Man two thousand years ago affects our eternal condition? God has given us His description of the events. Science is wonderful. It is an opportunity to observe and to learn from the world around us. But when we allow what we "see" to rule, can we be walking by faith? Just my opinion. The Word says that God spoke the universe and time itself into existence.

A commentary I read after I finished my study brought to my attention the concept that faith brings understanding. It is as we step out in faith that we are able to understand. As long as our hearts are coming from the "prove it" or "show me" point of view, my understanding is limited and short sighted. Basing our belief only on what we can see, quantify, and examine, limits our understanding to the physical and ignores the eternal realities and supernatural involvement of God in His creation.

Do I believe by faith in God's account of the creation? How do I balance science and faith? How can I communicate this? Do I believe the Word of God, or do I pick and choose what is "believable"? Am I prone to explaining away the things of Scripture that are beyond my experience and my understanding? How does such faith, or lack of, affect my relationship with God and my relationship to the world around me? Do I allow for the supernatural and the eternal in my exploration of the world?


verse 4

(Now this is where it got good for me this morning!) "By faith Abel offered to God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, through which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts; and through it he being dead still speaks." Abel's faith was expressed in his offering. By faith, his offering was a "better sacrifice" than Cain's. Cain seemed to have missed the whole point of the offering, perhaps because of his lack of faith. He was going through the motions with no concept of what his offering represented.

Abel brought the "firstborn of his flock", the fat portion, and the Lord looked at it. The word is "shaah", which means a look, a moment, to gaze at or about. This seems more than a glance. Could Abel's offering have blessed God in such a way that He paused and looked intently at it. I think possibly that God was captivated by Abel's offering because it was one of the first representations of His Son. Nothing grabs God's attention more than something to do with His Son. And this sacrifice of the firstborn lambs must have touched God's heart!

There is something in Abel's offering that seems to indicate an understanding of what it is God truly wants, and I believe that can only come from a relationship and personal knowledge of God Himself. I have heard that it is believed that God must have told Adam and his family what type of offerings He required. There is no Scripture to indicate that He did, but it is very possible that He did so. However, I wonder if it isn't just as possible that Abel's relationship with God was such that he understood what type of offering would please Him. That Abel sought the Lord and sought to please Him, and that his desire led him to an offering that would cause God to catch His breath at the sight of it.

It doesn't say whether Cain brought the best of his crops or just his crops. There are first fruits offerings that are detailed in the Law of Moses. So, it wasn't a "wrong" offering. But perhaps his heart was not where it should be. He was offering God what he had, but did not seek to know what it was that God want, what would please Him. And then he was bent out of shape because God "looked at" Abel's offering and not his. It wasn't so much the offering that fell short, God did not indicate that there was anything wrong with it. But Cain recognized the difference in God's reaction to Abel's offering and to his own.

It goes on to say that the testimony Abel received of God was that he was righteous, and God testified of his offerings, his gifts. Because of his faith, even though he is dead (and he was actually the first one to die physically), he still speaks. What does he say? Is it that his life speaks to us of faith, or that by faith he is still living and speaking? Does he still speak as the first righteous one put to death by his brother, again, a picture of Christ. Both in his offering and in his death, Abel pointed to the Son of God who would die at the hands of His brothers due to jealousy.

And so I ask, what of my offerings? Do they reveal faith in God, both in their quality and in their substance? Or, are they given as a mere meeting of a requirement which I do not understand? Are they given based on what others say or what I think will suffice? Or, do I have such a knowledge and relationship with God that I know and understand what He wants? And what does God testify of my offerings?

My life and my death, do they point to my Savior? Do I reveal Christ by my life, my giving, my choices, my actions? Abel knew nothing of Christ, yet his actions pointed so clearly to the Lamb of God, the way I believe he did that was through a life of relationship and seeking God. I believe that relationship led him, God led him to a sacrifice that pointed to Christ. Do I have such a relationship that in the midst of the contradictory voices of what God wants I understand Him and His will. If so, my life must point to Christ. If not, it may be a good life--I may bring my first fruits--but it won't capture God's attention, and I won't obtain God's testimony of my life.

By faith we walk in confidence. God testifies to faith in our lives, not success, strength, or beauty. Faith gives us a foundation for understanding the world around us and the world beyond our senses. By faith we can know what will please God, which is anything and everything to do with Christ, and our lives can speak far beyond ourselves.

Love,
Ev

Preparing for my trip to Jordan

OK, as I said, it is about time that I tell you about my trip to Jordan. I’ve probably told some of you how awesome it was, but as I wrote a particular journal of my trip, I am going to use it to take you through the trip with me. I’ll also try to add some of the pictures we took.

For me, my vacation actually began about a week earlier. I was so excited because my sweet friends Helen and John invited me over for dinner at their home. Helen and John seem to always express God’s heart to me, and they are so encouraging and loving. When I find myself in the pits, they seem to know just the right things to say and do to draw me out. Don’t you love folks like that in your life!!!

Anyway, I was SO looking forward to a nice dinner with them. I arrived and rang the bell, and Helen appeared at the door, telling me that she had forgotten to tell me . . . that it was a surprise Bon Voyage party!!! I think I was stunned for a good 5 to 10 minutes! A small group of some of my favorite women had gathered to wish me Bon Voyage! How cool is that?

It was exactly the kind of party I love: food, sharing, singing, and prayer! I felt so LOVED! It was just the right size, not too many people, very relaxed and warm. Helen is such a wonderful hostess. She is very creative and the decorations were amazing.

After dinner, PRESENTS!! Each thing was so wonderfully thoughtful, and just what I needed for my trip!! How overwhelming and thoughtful!!! It was the most amazing beginning for my trip!

As I was getting ready to leave, the next week was so bitter-sweet. Leaving one part of my family behind to visit another part is never easy. In the week before, Alex said, “I love you, Grandma.” And I realized how much I am going to miss everyone.

I ordered a couple of books to take with me to read on my vacation. One of the books, Eleventh Guest, by Bodie and Brock Thoene was the selected book for the book club I am a part of. But I also bought a second book by these authors as their books are historical fictions dealing primarily with Jerusalem and Israel. I love the history of Israel and Jerusalem and the Jews, especially as it relates to my Christian heritage. So, I thought the second book would be a good read.

Friday, April 23rd, I packed my suitcases. It was such a crazy day trying to get packed and last minute things done. My head finally hit the pillow probably around midnight, but then I kept waking up all night dreaming that I was late for my flight. But I think, too, that sleeping without my CPAP (breathing apparatus for sleep apnea) was contributed to my poor sleep. Thank God, I woke up on time the next morning to get on the road to the airport. I made my flight in plenty of time.

Well, I didn’t actually get to the trip, but that will be for next time.

Ev

Catching Up!

OK, so it has been quite some time since I’ve written anything. I am not sure why I am having such a problem with writing. I have had things I’ve wanted to share, but just have not been able to get anything onto paper, so to speak. So, as I am working this morning and waiting for SQL scripts to run, I decided to just start writing, about anything. So, I hope you will excuse me if this is rambling or a little disjointed ‘cause I’m not sure what I am writing about or where I am going with this.

So, what is going on in my life at the moment? Well, to give you fair warning, I am in depression again, which is weird because I have been doing the things I should. I am guessing that a big part of this is due to my return from vacation and the high one always gets when you are away from responsibilities, problems, and work.

But, I know that I have also been affected by my youngest son, Leith, moving out of our house. Leith is a young MAN of 25, and I know it is time for him to step out on his own. He has a great job, with excellent opportunities, and it is time for him to be responsible for himself. I am so happy for him, I really am. But it is hard for me to let him go. As I said, he is the youngest, and he has always lived with me. My oldest son is married, and my second son is living in the middle east, so very far away. Leith was the one I was holding onto for companionship and emotional support. (Selfish, I know.) So, I know that this is also affecting me.

There are some other things that are troublesome right now, but they affect other family members and I don’t feel comfortable sharing them.

And then there is my connection with the body of Christ. We have hit the summer, time when things wind down because so many people are going here and there for vacations and day trips. Our Experiencing God study is over and the I Saw the Lord study is over, so I feel disconnected on that end as well. Hmmmm. Feeling pretty sorry for myself; well, not really. It isn’t so much that I feel sorry for myself as I just feel blahhh.

Anyway, enough about that. Let see, what else can I focus on?????? Hmmmmmm. What are some of the things that are rattling around in the back of my head? Things I am thinking about, but at an unconscious level. (Wow, sounds interesting, doesn’t it? Feel free to move on to something else in your inbox.)

Read some interesting fiction books lately, both by Bodie and Brock Thoene. I read one for a group I am part of, Lit ‘n Lattes, which is part of our women’s ministry. I had seen books by the Thoenes, but never really thought to read them because I am not usually interested in fiction books. However, as I said, Eleventh Guest (A. D. Chronicles), was the book chosen by our book club, so I took it and a second book, Jerusalem Vigil The Zion Legacy: Book One, on vacation with me.

It was so interesting because as I understand it, these writers tend to focus their books around Jerusalem and Israel. And I started the second book just before we went to Jerusalem, which was so cool because the book deals with events in the Old City, which is where we spent most of our time. The book really gave me a good feel for the events of the story.

I also saw a really good movie called O, Jerusalem. This was about two men who met and became friends in the US following WWII, one is Jewish and the other is Arab. Both of them are drawn into the conflict surrounding the creation of the state of Israel. The neat thing is that their friendship endures even as they fight on opposite sides and each one loses loved ones.

That reminds me, I do so need to share an account of my trip. I’ll try to do that tomorrow, or at least start it. By the way, I really do recommend the books and the movie mentioned above. I think that the further we go along, the more important Jerusalem is going to become for all our lives. God has chosen that city out of all the world, out of all the universe, to put His name upon it. There is no place like it!!!

Love,
Ev