Let the River Flow

Our Lord's teaching was always anti-self-realization. His purpose is not the development of a person – His purpose is to make a person exactly like Himself, and the Son of God is characterized by self-expenditure. If we believe in Jesus, it is not what we gain, but what He pours through us that really counts. . . .

Our spiritual life cannot be measured by success as the world measures it but only by what God pours through us – and we cannot measure that at all. . . .

Our Lord is filled with overflowing joy whenever He sees any of us doing what Mary did – not being bound by a particular set of rules, but being totally surrendered to Him. . . .

`He who believes in Me . . . out of his heart will flow rivers of living water' – and hundreds of other lives will be continually refreshed. Now is the time for us to break `the flask' of our lives, to stop seeking our own satisfaction, and to pour out our lives before Him. Our Lord is asking who of us will do it for Him.
Oswald Chambers

Well, you haven't heard from me in a while, and I guess it is because I sank into the `dark abyss' of depression yet again. So, let me just update you by saying that I won't be moving out for the time being, I've postponed it to next year to give us all time to better prepare financially. Although I was very disappointed at the change in plans, I can see God using this time for His purposes.

Last night Dana and I went to Calvary Community Church for their Wednesday night service, and it was wonderful. The worship time was so good – no wailing guitars drowning out the congregation's singing praises to God and the songs were more worshipful than I had heard in a while. When we sang A Mighty Fortress is our God, wow, it just lifted my spirit so much!!

The message was also so good. It was expository preaching rather than taking a topic and applying some verses to it. I LOVED it!! When did we decide that we could do a better job of speaking to hearts than God's Word can do? Anyway, it was an awesome message and spoke very clearly to my heart.

So, it lifted the weight of depression that was pinning me down, and has allowed me to turn to the Lord again. Yay!!

I read the above quote from Oswald Chamber's devotional, My Utmost for His Highest, and it so ministered to my heart. What it says to me is that it is not about who I am or how good a Christian I am. It is about how open my heart is. I don't have to worry about how spiritual, how smart, how compassionate, or how wise I am. All I need to do is be open for God to pour through me what He wants to, when it is needed. I don't have to `be' anything special at all to be a conduit. It is the Source that matters.

Interestingly, I then don't have to worry about having what is needed at a particular time, don't have to worry that I will have the right words for someone's need. That's not my worry; it's up to the Source to send it through as long as I keep the channel open. Wow! So much pressure taken off!

The focus then goes back to my relationship with Him and keeping connected, keeping the channel open and clear, and letting Him direct the flow.

For me, this is big! This is freeing! This is what I needed to hear. I don't have to be `a writer' for God to pour a book through me, I don't have to be `a teacher' for God to instruct others through me, and I don't have to be `a golden vessel' for Him to flow through me. An earthen trough will work just fine so long as it is open and clear.

I don't have to be anyone special at all. I don't have to be a perky, blond polished and perfumed Christian woman dressed to the 9s. I am not the Source, not even a secondary source.

I can relax! I don't have to examine each drop of water as it passes through. If I'm connected to the true Source, I can just let it flow. I don't have to try to force it, or to shape it, or to flavor it. You can't improve on the stuff He provides!

So, for me, I need to keep the channel open, both the inflow and the outflow. Keep the channel clear of self, doubts, fears, bitterness, and lies. Let it go! I'm not in control of it, just let it flow. I'm not responsible for it. No pride. No Shame. Set it free!

Love,

Ev

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